My journey from teen mom to mom of a high school graduate
Looking at the life my husband and I are living right now, you wouldn’t believe how incredibly hard it was 17 years ago. 17 years ago I was only 19 years old. It was the Summer after my freshman year of college. A few months prior, when I came home for Christmas break, I had told my parents I was pregnant. Luckily, in the town they lived in at the time was a small community college so my life looked like working some days, taking college classes other days, teaching dance class in the evenings for extra money, and in all ways preparing to be a single mom.
When my oldest son was first born, we shared a room at my parent’s house. Eventually, I moved into income based apartments just a stone’s throw away from my parents. In the beginning my mom was helping watch him while I worked, but it quickly became clear that the lines of grandparent and parent were being blurred. I was able to get him into a small in-home daycare and that seemed to really help the family dynamic.
At that point I was still carrying so much shame. I remember thinking “I was SO close to NOT becoming another teenage pregnancy statistic… but I failed.” I remember having a friend and her mom come over to that apartment. It was a two bedroom, two bath apartment I was paying for myself. The mom looked at me and was like, “you should be very proud.” It took years to be fully realized, but that was the moment I started to think there could be something to be proud of in this situation… eventually.
Fast forward to the next Summer when my son was turning 1 year old. My now husband who had gotten to remain at college was home. There was a small attempt to re-kindle, but it was clear that I was a mom and he was a college kid. When that fell apart it was incredibly painful. It was one of the catalysts that led to my moving my son and I back home to Texas.
In Texas I lived in a duplex with my best friend who also had a little boy. It was truly us against the world, trying to raise our boys and co-parent with our exes. Eventually my friend moved back in with her parents and I moved into a small one bedroom house - right behind her parent’s house. I was working in a call center and getting help with some groceries via WIC and some state assistance paying for daycare.
After a couple years my husband graduated college and also moved to Texas. We had every intention of taking things slow but try as we might - we rekindled quickly. We bought a house together and were both working in the call center. Around this time I had an appointment with the state counselor who was handling our daycare assistance. I will never forget her looking at me and saying, “You no longer qualify. THIS is how it’s supposed to work.”
That was when I started feeling proud. And that is why even with my Libertarian political leanings I have no issues with programs like daycare assistance and WIC. They are programs that are limited, have hoops to go through, and are designed to be temporary. They are programs that truly help fill the gap and push you towards independence (if executed properly and not abused).
Our house was within walking distance to my son’s elementary school. We loved our walks in the morning and most of his teachers. As you probably know, we turned to homeschooling after a few years of public school but one memory I have from his public school days was how hard it was to connect with other parents. We just simply were not in the same age bracket or stage of life as most of them. We also did not have as much family around us as other parents we knew. I remember a simple date night would cost us SO much money when we factored in an hourly babysitter. This was truly one of our hardest times as parents and as a couple - but it did bring us little brother.
Fast forward a few years and we’ve drastically changed everything about our lives. We opted out of a normal life. We moved to live on a farm in Kansas where we are extremely home-based. Homeschool, work from home, home grown food - the whole picture. I honestly can’t imagine either of our boys thriving in any other lifestyle.
Just last month, our oldest son graduated high school. We participated in an amazing homeschool graduation ceremony and he is headed to college in the Fall. He already worked an internship earlier this year and has a Summer job. Some days I have a hard time believing that this is where we are already, but I made myself a promise when we knew we weren’t going to have any more kids. I promised myself I wouldn’t look back on times when our kids were small and think about all the cute stages I was missing. I promised myself I’d look forward and find just as many sweet, exciting moments in whatever stage they were currently in. There have been so many exciting moments to witness already this year - like his graduation and his first paycheck - and I can’t wait to see what comes next!
Another fun aspect of where we are at in life that I did not expect is the freedom we have now that our kids are older. Date nights? Easy. Date week? No problem. It is really a hidden phase of life that I wish more people would have told me was coming. So, if you’re currently drowning in diapers, swim lessons, and soccer practice - hang in there! There will come a time when you get so much time back to yourself (and even better, time back to give to your partner).
We wouldn’t be where we are as our own family unit if it weren’t for our family and friends that helped us out in the beginning. This journey took help but it also took an extreme amount of grace. Grace with each other as partners, grace with each other as parents, grace as we made mistakes, grace as we grew up together. I am proud of our family but I am the MOST PROUD of our oldest son.
Kid, you’re about to do BIG things. Give ‘em hell.
XO - Olivia (aka Mom)
